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SubscriptionsSites I Read
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| ...no more.
Luckily (or unluckily) my birthday inevtiably falls on or around Carnival. Every year everybody asks me what I want for my birthday. I always reply I don't need anything.
Shhh....don't tell anybody but there's one thing I think about every year.
#1 ASA Boof 4 years in a row.
(Boof because Asians can't pronounce Booth)
ASA Boof Monopolizin' Since 2004
Sam, Mike, Angel, Chris, Marina, Connie, and the rest of ASA. Thanks for making an old man proud, and thanks for making my last Carnival worth it.
  
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| My mom sent me this one...I wonder if she sent it to my dad.
INSTALLING HUSBAND
Dear Tech Support:
Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to
Husband 1.0 and noticed a
distinct slow down in overall system
performance -- particularly in
the flower and jewelry applications, which
operated flawlessly under
Boyfriend 5.0.
In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many
valuable programs, such as
Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5 and
then installed
undesirable programs such as NFL 5.0, NBA 3.0,
and Golf Clubs 4.1.
Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and
Housecleaning 2.6 simply
crashes the system. I've tried running Nagging
5.3 to fix these
problems, but to no avail.
What can I do?
Signed,
Desperate
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Dear Desperate:
First keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an
Entertainment Package, while
Husband
1.0 is an Operating System. Please enter the
command: "http: I
Thought You Loved Me.html" and try to
download Tears 6.2 and don't
forget to install the Guilt 3.0 update. If
that application works as
designed, Husband 1.0 should then
automatically run the applications
Jewelry 2.0 and Flowers 3.5.
But remember, overuse of the above application
can cause Husband 1.0
to default to Grumpy Silence 2.5, Happy Hour
7.0 or Beer 6.1. Beer
6.1 is a very bad program that will download
the Snoring Loudly
Beta.
Whatever you do, DO NOT install Mother-in-law
1.0 (it runs a virus
in the background that will eventually seize
control of all your
system resources). Also, do not attempt to
reinstall the Boyfriend
5.0 program. These are unsupported
applications and will crash
Husband 1.0.
In
summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does
have limited memory and cannot learn new
applications quickly. You
might consider buying additional software to
improve memory and
performance. We recommend Food 3.0 and Hot
Lingerie 7.7.
Good Luck, Tech Support
On a separate note I'm heading to Vancouver to see my family! Yay! Anybody else going to be there this thanksgiving?
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| I'm sick (lungs are filled with some mucus), stuck in middle-of-nowhere Jersey, and I found out my my cat, ziggy, was let out of the house by mistake. Today is not a good day.
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| can't sleep right now...i used to never have a problem sleeping. but now i'm sitting in bed looking out at the river. hmm i think i'm just procrastinating in sleeping. i've cleaned my bathroom, did the dishes, swept and mopped my floor, vacuumed my carpet, changed my sheets, febreezed everything, setup my humidifer, windexed the windows, and organized my dresser. here are some late night chats i've had recently with some very good friends:
[few days ago]
Friend: I think it's just not time for you
Friend: I don’t think you know who you are yet
Friend: I think on your way to success you try to be the person they are
comfortable with
Friend: you change but you don’t’ feel like it's you
Friend: and you try to push that lie away
me: I think you hit it right there
Friend: when you go to interviews you try to alter your personality to satisfy
the position their looking
for
me: on the dot
Friend: I think you just applied it to your own life
Friend: you didn’t keep it separate from work and personal
Friend: I feel that you always have this tendency you want to belong
me: thank you
me: for telling me that
me: I think you articulated it perfectly
Friend: I think you bottle it up a lot
Friend: you just overwhelm yourself with work and try not to think about
things
Friend: but when things start slowing down that's when it hits you
me: I run at 100mph
me: and then I slow down
me: I start thinking for once
Friend: yea
Friend: sucks
me: I should be thinking all the time
me: <-- empty headed
Friend: but I don’t think you like to analyze yourself
Friend: you think you're fine the way you are
[tonight]
me: do you know who i am?
pat: i think i have a good understanding of who you are
me: really?
pat: well you know who you are, but you don't want to face up to it.
you're afraid of waking up one day and realizing what you've become.
when it comes down to it you've become just like me but slightly
different. you don't want that. you told me before that you would be
perfectly happy to drive a cab if it made you happy. you're just not
happy with who you've become.
i guess at some point we all have to wake up/grow up. i'm glad i have friends who can be totally honest with me. actually i'm just glad i have friends. thank you.
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| My mood has consistently shitty over the past week and half, I'm sick, and I haven't had a good laugh in a long time. Today i saw something that made me burst out laughing in the middle of my austere office... i hope you guys enjoy it as much as i did:
The End?
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